As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. But do it because you want to re-connect from where you are now in your life, not expecting to re-connect in a way that doesn't reflect the ways in which you may have changed and grown over time. I didnt reach out to an ex-partner but I reached out to an ex-friend. I'm not annoyed by it, I just don't understand if it makes sense? Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. And if they dont like what they see, they will start missing you. My husband gave me the grace to get extremely needed closure with him. They know they could never have given you the life you have now. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because he's stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. I'll respond when she texts but it's usually something really superficial and she doesn't make an effort to continue a conversation anymore. Think about your life right now. There is no pretentious behavior, and they are comfortable with each other. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. A year later one of his fraternity brothers reached out and let me know how he was doing and "he's really sorry for the pain he inflicted, can't you forgive him?" Your mental peace certainly comes before they rant to you about their workload and unmet marital fulfillment. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. 6. Why Are My Exs Friends Contacting Me And Being So Nice To Me? Would this be considered bredacrumbing or did he just want to check how I was? My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. I think you did the right thing. I feel a lot better then I did then knowing the what ifs., I'm sorry she did not get back to you, I understand wanting to heal a friendship. Each relationship has its own unique conclusion. Why would an ex contact you years later? We all think back and wonder why it what if or how different have I become? It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. A really long time and the fact she is reaching out shows something is happening there. Sometimes, I want to reply but my partner is visibly upset about it, so I havent so far. You should be able to talk to whoever you want, but keeping your partner informed in this regard is wise. That's actually something I thought of doing. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. After a breakup, Bird said, some people just need "an emotional cutoff and want to remove all evidence of their ex from their life.". A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. About App. Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. Youll wonder if your ex wants to talk about random things or discuss something important. After some thought, I decided not to write my ex back, and to treat the apology with a little bit of stoicism. He also has a kid. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. Dumpers just dont care if youve changed or not because when they reach out, they have no expectations of you and still see you the way they saw you prior to the breakup. If you're hesitant to use a video call, a phone call can be as intimate and connective as a video call. I'd like to apologize to him because he didn't deserve that. Secondly, it also gives us evidence that . "What really frightens and dismays us is not external events themselves, but the . Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. I'm very happy with my huband and I know that I made the right decision for myself, but I feel bad that it hurt someone else. In this response, you're being vulnerable and expressive of your feelings. Wants your help with something. "You can't compare the person who you experienced a first or early love with to someone who you've had a deep abiding love with for many years through the course of a . I'd be more likely to reach out to his wife and apologize for not seeing sooner how hurt she was, and that I was being selfish (I was, entirely). I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. That doesnt, however, mean that you should talk to her, keep getting closer, and abandon your wife. And then he behaved in such a way as if theres nothing to be addressed about how awkward the whole situation is. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. I help over 1 million men a year radically transform their lives for the better after being dumped. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. The relationship might not be the most exciting in the world, but after several fiery encounters with people who dont accept them for who they are, they realize theyd rather be with someone they can be themselves around. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. Even me avoiding texting her, I feel all my time healing has gone to waste, I feel a little depressed again all just because shes back in my life and in my mind. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Here are five things to do when your ex reaches out after years. That passed quickly anyway. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. Shes blocked me off everything , moved twice now. If your ex wants something from you, your ex will directly or indirectly point it out. My advice is to not get distracted by what your ex says too much and instead look at the things your ex asks or expects from you. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. Out of curiosity: if you ever reached out to an ex boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife years later: what did you want out of it? It weighs on me even now (a few months after) but ultimately I didnt know what to say or how to respond. Maybe your ex has actually stopped being an emotionally abusive person. Youve probably told your partner all about your ex, and why you broke up. After several failed relationships, your ex has realized they want you back. Its like comfort foodmac-and-cheese may not be haute cuisine and it may not reflect what our normal menu offers, but it brings back images of childhood and safety and security. But they happen anyway., and you are left with no other choice than to face the aftermath. We welcome the Reddit community to elicit opinions on a variety of matters from our community of women ages 30 and up. The tests may show that the baby is active and healthy, and the amount of amniotic fluid is . 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), What To Do When An Ex Reaches Out After Years, Is It Common For Exes To Get Back Together Years Later. Its up to you. She said, Wow, instant reply. But if youre with someone else and feel happy, you can respond and see what triggered his nostalgia. I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, so they remember their exes and use them as a backup plan. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. My ex and I are talking again, can this lead to something more complicated? I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about it? If this companionship usually hurts you when they ghost you again, its better not to indulge in it. I've been honestly tempted since reevaluating everything about the last ten years of my life. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. | It is entirely up to you to respond or not. Now shes unblocked me and sent me messages saying shes moved and wants to tell me something or speak to me about something but I personally dont feel ready to talk as I dont want to be put back into that same place I was mentally. First, it helps normalize our experience and our feelings. Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? I wished him well too. They could, and that one little text has the power to turn your life upside down. Very small group of 3,500 so chance of me seeing a message from her I worked out was like 20 million to one. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? I have no idea what to do. When an ex contacts you, you need to weigh the pros and cons practically. Good emotional support is tough to come by out there in the cold, dark dating world. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. It was interesting seeing him again. There was a certain sense of familiarity and comfort in your relationship which is simply hard to replace. Perhaps it was a two-week fling, a mutual breakup, or an old partner who ghosted you once and has resurfaced for closure. . Often, urges to contact an ex may come up at the end of an unhealthy relationship and not for healthy ones. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. I told him we could talk over the phone. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. Seeing your ex after a long time might effectively spell doom for your present relationship if you just assume your partner will be fine with this. And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly. I think you should let this one go. I don't want to cause problems between him and his gf/wife. The first thing most people think when anex contactsthem is that they want something. To handle an ex coming back with dignity, you should ponder on all the probable scenarios to stay a step ahead of them. CNBC recently reported that 80% of active fund managers are falling behind the major indexes. She even made accusations towards me after the first month of our no contact to add salt to the wounds. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. Its not that people want their ex to suffer, per se, its that they may feel a sick ego boost when comparing their progress after your breakup to their own. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. (in 1997 she broke off an engagement she was 22 and I was 28). It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. Im guessing shes trying to do something to clear her conscience. What is their intention? Anger is an emotion that people are often uncomfortable with. They might just want to be friends with you, if youre open to the idea. The grass looks greener, so your ex skates out into the wild world of dating to find someone who ALSO has quirks, hangups and is generally human just like you are. Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you.